Capacity

Human beings are amazing and complex. We each have an incredible capacity: to achieve greatness, to perform incredible feats and show amazing compassion for our fellow man, for learning and for love. I know the potential for greatness isn’t a new idea, that we each have an amazing ability within us and it’s (unfortunately) not very common that it gets recognized and we actually do something about it.

That’s the flip side to our incredible capacity. We have the ability to deal with horrible tragedy in our lives, to ignore our own potential and not grab onto the power we possess, to harness it’s energy and direct it in an way that can help us achieve success and possibly greatness. We have the ability to overlook very important things in our life, big and small. And we can even convince ourselves that some things are either possible or impossible for us when they may be just the opposite.

I guess that is all a part of the idea that life is lived based on our own perspective. We all share ideas and we see things in the same way a lot of the time, but it’s probable that two people, say standing next to each other in a city waiting for the bus, have different views of the world. Again, it could be in a small way or the the difference could be massive. And yet, it is completely possible that the two could be convinced to see eye to eye or even reverse roles and take on the other’s view. That’s a part of the amazing capacity we have, the power of intellect.

I believe everyone has the ability to affect change in their life, and I think we all have the capacity for wonderful and terrible things. In some cases, the only things that separate a normal, well-adjusted and successful person from a killer on death row (or any other criminal or simply less-successful person) are circumstance and choice. That view may be a bit extreme and doesn’t take pathology into account, but I’m being general.

So what makes us choose one way or the other? Especially if we are aware of the choice and our own capacity? Do we choose the harder road that ultimately leads to success, or an easier route that might still be acceptable but ultimately fails to help us reach our potential? If you’re aware of the capacity and the choice, how do you choose between two things that appear equal or both contain positives and negatives that balance them out?

All of this is pure conjecture with examples of criminal choices and success in life thrown in to make differences obvious. But what if the differences aren’t obvious at all and involve another area of our life where there aren’t any well-defined boundaries to begin with? An area that is notoriously complex and slippery to begin with, maybe even more so than the grasp we have on our own capacity? What about love?

We have an amazing capacity for love, but how does it start or end? I don’t think there is a clear answer to that which is what makes it so complex and slippery. Likewise, our capacity and perspective come into play when we try to determine what love is, if we are in love, how to make choices about our love life and when (or whether) it should end. It’s not unfathomable to think that a new relationship can spark at any moment or that another can end in the blink of an eye. It’s all about our capacity to understand and love as well our ability to put that away in the back of our mind and ignore it. Choice.

Sometimes inexplicably, we make choices about our lives and relationships. Our capacity makes it possible to be carried away by romance such that we have heart palpitations and lose our breath for love, to fall for someone deeply, to eventually decide to share the rest of our lives and be partners and to adapt whenever things change as some of the romance fades or changes and the day-to-day life we share and all the little challenges and tasks become the primary focus. Just as easily we can choose to forget or ignore that feeling, or convince ourselves that it’s not “right” for some reason, to make a choice which we feel cannot be undone or feel like a choice has been made for us.

All of this makes us truly incredible and is the reason we are considered (by ourselves – how’s that for capacity) to be the highest form of life and the most intelligent. Our capacity for rational thought and logic are often cited as proof, but why not our incredible complexity? In a way, it’s frightening to think about, and it’s a very special burden to bear – to know of the things that are possible, to be able to devise a method to accomplish our goals, to know all of it rests on our particular perspective and the choice we’ve made and we have the capacity and ability to make a different choice. Neither choice is right or wrong so the comparison between the two doesn’t necessarily precipitate an obvious answer. Instead we’re left with ambiguity and choices that appear to branch of in directions that may or may not lead to the result we desire and seem to be equivalent. Incredible.

The Spirit cruise

Someone, at some point, came up with the idea of giving a bunch of their workers some paid time off in the afternoon as a base, added alcohol (and in this case a boat) and mixed it all together as a reward. Why this tradition continues and hasn’t been recognized as a potential disaster not worth tempting is beyond me. So this afternoon I boarded a boat that would cruise on the river for two hours, was handed a couple of tickets redeemable for free drinks and away we went. Luckily, I was able to avoid any unpleasantness aside from the occasional awkward conversation or strained silence, but I can see how it easily could have turned out another way with a sunken boat and the drunken revelers (after one beer) stuck on Ross Island.

Let’s see, people that are stuck together during many of their waking hours, that have had big conflicts and experienced all sorts of little disagreements and polite snubbery that someone I know remarked is akin to high school society, and let’s let them drink and stick them on a boat with no way off. Sweet! People that I think are weird and possess strange behaviors suddenly take advantage of the opportunity to let loose – on the clock – and . . . well, it could have been worse.

And now, just as I was thinking about all of this and getting ready to write it down, the buzzer at the front door goes off. I put on a shirt and go down and who is standing there but two healthy-looking, blonde-haired and possibly blue-eyed Mormon kids. Well, actually they said, “We’re from THE CHURCH.” Just for jokes, I asked what church it was they were from. Of course it was “The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.” I wonder if people ever get tired of saying all that in the same way a telephone receptionist tires of repeating the same spiel every time the phone rings. We had a nice, polite conversation where I told them I wasn’t interested but didn’t kick them to the curb. They said they appreciated that. Just funny.

I got some sweet, new sunglasses. I’ve been needing some and finally decided it was the time before embarking on the “cruise” and going on a trip this weekend. Went to the hut place, but nothing stood out. Glad I didn’t settle. Went by the big N store after and spent way more than I was planning on. I rationalized that my birthday is coming up and there probably isn’t anyone else who would get them for me. Sweet.

I think people think I’m sexy. Not exclusively because of the sunglasses, though I’m sure they help. Even people I work with sometimes give me a vibe or say weird things, and I think even my supervisor’s supervisor thinks I’m hot. That’s really odd. Maybe I’m just making it up, but I don’t think. I dig it, even if it isn’t coming from the direction I’d like. Feels good to know some people dig you when you are feeling down.

102 degrees

That’s the temperature today. 102 degrees F. For Portland fucking Oregon, that’s fucking HOT! It’s not bad, though. I lived in Utah before this, and I’ve been to Phoenix in the summer and lived in Louisiana through two. This ain’t shit. It’s just that we’re spoiled here by never (well, almost) having such high temps. I imagine there are native Oregonians that whined about it all day long, and they’re probably close to passing out by now – not from the heat, but from all the conniption fits they’ve been having throughout the day. It would help if most Americans (I debated whether to capitalize that or not) didn’t have so much insulation in the form of FAT! I’m lucky that I’m currently skinny, otherwise I would be having the same kind of fits. I’m sticking to the leather sofa a little bit as it is.

I didn’t just want to post about the extraordinary, record-setting heat. I was just thinking how I’ve always appreciated the little things in life. I’ve always enjoyed a little piece of serenity whenever I catch a moment where things are exceptionally calm, or when I have a great meal, or see a beautiful vista, or have a nice cold beer and a kick-ass hot dog on a hot summer day. (Yeah, I referred to a hot dog as kick-ass. Whatcha gonna do about it? That’s right, nuthin. Punk.) I used to walk around marveling at the beauty of nature all around me. I guess sometimes we forget about everything that is around us when we’re so focused on our own lives and how hot and sweaty we are (for example). I still have those moments on occasion.