Blahginess

I’ve been reading lots of other blogs lately, and surfing through various links others have published on their blogs. I thought maybe I would start mentioning a few things I found interesting and linking to them here. This brilliant thought came to me as I was in the middle of reading one man’s view on why college is a waste of time. I especially like this bit:

Most courses of study, even the ones that are very close to being purely vocational training, are preparing students for a career that will keep them indoors and sedentary, for jobs that are intellectual but only in the most ordinary and hum-drum sense of the word and thinking is mostly a matter of following instructions or collecting and organizing data, for jobs that will require them to use their hands only for keyboarding, manipulating a mouse, and checking off items on lists.

What used to be called with good reason white collar jobs.

What are now usually self-flatteringly self-designated “professional” jobs.

 I know a lot of people that have jobs like that, and my last job was similar, although anyone would be hard-pressed to point out how it was professional, with or without the quotes.

Reading through a few blogs published by writers who talk about the writing life, their books and the interconnected network of writers has me feeling envious and wishing I could be a writer. Sure, sometimes they sound pretentious, and there seems to be much literary cock-blocking (I really wanted to use that phrase), but it seems like a cool community. I read something about it here.

Maybe I will write more later when I don’t feel so dull…

 

Long update

I want to change the format of this blog. I have pages at the top with different labels, such as Taste and Tunes, but the problem is that the stuff I put there gets all jumbled together. Maybe it’s my fault, but the organization isn’t very good for allowing viewers to see what is really there. It would be nice if each page would be like the main page and I could have individual posts on it. I realize I could probably start separate blogs for each one and have the tab link to them or something, but that gets even more cluttered, in one sense. Does greater organization also generate more clutter? More folders, files, etc.? Hmm.

I tried making another page and having it be subordinate to an existing page, thinking maybe I could make a new page every time I wanted to post and it would show up under that existing page, somehow. It didn’t work. I dunno if anyone will read this who can help, but if you can please leave a comment or contact me.

For now, I’m going to put my updates in this here blog post. Rhyme or reason? Maybe not. As far as Taste goes, I am about to take a sip of some Kenya Peaberry Ruera Estate that I picked up at Extracto. I think they’re getting all their supply from Barefoot Coffee Roasters these days, but I can’t be sure since this one doesn’t show up on their website. I’ve been using my Aeropress for normal coffee lately, with some really yummy results from Stumptown’s Costa Rica Montes de Oro, so that’s what I’m using this morning. The smell is right on for a yummy cup of some Kenyan coffee, and the taste is close. Not mind-blowingly great, but that might be my technique or choice of extraction method.

For the Flicks, I’ve seen a few things recently. Most recently, I saw “The Bank Job”. Not bad for that type of flick. Interesting that it’s based on a true story. You have to wonder how accurate it is. You should know what you’re getting into when you go to something with Jason Statham in it. It’s not as action-packed as “Transporter” and it’s not “The Italian Job”, either, but it was enjoyable. Not that I’m putting those movies on a pedestal, understand. The night before that I saw “Be Kind Rewind” and felt let-down. Jack Black is all right, and I liked Mos Def as Prefect Ford in “Hitchhiker’s Guide…”, but I was expecting more considering it was directed by Michel Gondry.

I loved “Eternal Sunshine…” and “The Science of Sleep”, but his latest film doesn’t live up to his previous work. It seemed like the story jumped very quickly and unbelievably to get to where it was going in the beginning, so I guess I would say the screenwriting left something to be desired. That and I was watching for Gondry’s tricks using the camera, perspective, props and scenery to create the effect he desires instead of using CG or other special-effects techniques. There were some bits of the absurd and some tricks in the film, but it felt more like someone holding out a hand that contains a description of a magic trick and how it’s accomplished rather than performing the trick and leaving it to the audience’s imagination to figure out how it’s done.

In Tunes, I went to see Silverhawk a few weeks ago. I really enjoyed their live show and would recommend them to anyone who likes good, live, rock ‘n’ roll music. One thing I am disappointed with is their CDs. I bought two after the show and they just aren’t as powerful as the live act. I don’t know if it is just the mixing, something else about the studio atmosphere or what. See them live, then buy the CD. It is good enough to remind me of what the live act was like, and I enjoy some of the songs enough that I’ll keep listening to it at home, but when I saw them live I didn’t feel like any song was just dead. They put on a good show, those Densmore brothers.

On the Reading front, well, I guess that page is pretty up-to-date. I’m still reading “Diary of a Bad Year” by J.M. Coetzee. I’ve been reading too many little things online here and there to mention. I am putting some links to stuff I find interesting on my other blog, though, so check it out.

Happy Tuna

The world spins, yet somehow we don’t fall off. Everything around me spins, but I won’t fall off. This is a new departure. In the past it’s been typical for me to fall off, the merry-go-round still merrily going ’round, it’s happy horses with their maniacal grins continuing onward, inward. It seems like in that context falling off would be a good thing. Hmm… Maybe the merry-go round is the world and falling off isn’t a literal thing (of course … what where you thinking it would be?) but it means that suddenly one is flung off, outward, and loses contact with all of the things of the world. Outside of the spinning disc all is inky blackness, and it’s sticky, like the tar pits. Yeah … the pits.

I set myself up for a fall. I intentionally elicit a response akin to being slapped in the face with a partially-frozen tuna–albacore or yellow fin, it doesn’t really matter. And I did it, no one else. But it was a ghost fish. I’m the only one who can give it a tangible quality, make it so the impact has an effect. I got myself nailed by a couple of fish last night, and I was feeling it earlier. I felt like maybe I was sliding to the edge of the spinning disc, out there where it gets harder and harder to hold on as the pull increases. I thought I was already off, but as I sit here I realize I’m not.

Thank you, M, for being honest with me. Don’t change or hold back for anything. Like you said, changing patterns of behavior, response. I didn’t even know this one was changing, was worried about myself, but evidently work has already begun on a new pathway.

UPDATE: I fell off.

Contrast

I am an ignorant, unhappy man. I am a manipulator, dishonest, unworthy. I don’t read the news. I will probably not vote. I do not have interests or passions. I sometimes reflect on my lack of interest, but get bored and forget about it. I don’t know what my life is worth, what good it is doing anyone or why I am here. I don’t have a good reason not to be. I exist. Maybe that is all. Maybe I am just like everyone else, sitting here existing, and that is all there really is to do. But that’s not what I learn from talking to others, from watching TV, from reading books, from the elapsed time from my date of birth until now.

I am a happy person. I attract other people to my goodness, to my honestly. I am in touch with myself and with others, with this flow of life, understanding some bit of it. Other people see this. Maybe I glow. Some people bask. Some people use, taking advantage of me because I am strong and kind. I can see what is, or if not I have an inkling of what is, or if not I am able at least to know that there is something that is and there are many things that are not. Everyone wants to know what is, to be it, hold it, to be happy, complete, and full. Do we all chase what is not and think that it is what is, unable to see the truth, not knowing or taking a break to stop and look? Who is happy?

May I throw up on you?

Man, I decided I needed to write something here just because I can say whatever I want. I keep restricting myself to saying certain things or a certain format. On my daily adventure blog (on the links to the right) I always try to do something creative and clever, and I’m worried about all the “rules” of writing fiction that I’m learning in class. I gave the link to several people in class so I’m conscious of what they might be reading and feel like I have to write a certain way. Everything becomes a subject I could write about, but is it offensive? Does that matter? Is it too revealing? Is it any good? I almost wrote something about my penis just now. I did, actually, but I haven’t published it … yet. If you love a good penis story, stay tuned!

I think I’m sort of sick of writing. I need to save it up to write my next short story or novel chapter for next week. It’s sad, too, because I have lots of interesting thoughts that I think about writing about, but I just don’t have the energy. It takes too much just to write these sentences about not having energy to write anything. See, I would never write drivel like this if I was being discriminating and worried about my audience, but I guess this blog is now verbal vomit writ in Times New Roman. Blah, blah, blah … blech!

Yesterday’s Adventure

Hi there. I don’t know if anyone reads this except maybe my ex-fiancee and random people off the street because nobody responded to my call-out. If my ex is reading, she should probably stop. It would probably be better for her. Anyway, I wanted to post a link to the other blog I started recently where I’m posting . . . well, you should just check it out and see. I called it Your Daily Adventure and the idea was that I would write about funny stuff I see every day. I haven’t been doing it as much as I intended and the focus is sort of shifting, but it’s still fun. It’s now a side-project for my writing class, my contribution to our shared literary culture as the teacher put it. I’ll add a link for it to the side of this blog somewhere.

I haven’t been writing here because I’ve been busy working on other stuff including the other blog. Not only that but the only known audience I have for this crap is my ex and I thought maybe I would just let it die and not write anymore. I’m also sometimes hesitant to write about certain things based on that knowledge of my audience, but fuck it, eh? God, I drone on sometimes . . .

I went for a kick-ass ride the other day and then again yesterday. Kick-ass because I’ve been able to ride for a couple of hours without being completely dead at the end and because I can feel that I’m getting stronger when I climb hills or accelerate. Yesterday was especially kick-ass because all sorts of crazy, funny things happened. It was a typical spring day in Portland, sometimes warm and sunny, sometimes cold and rainy. I have fenders on my road bike now and I got rained on before recently so it’s no big deal. I headed out with a plan to do a new route. In the process, I got rained on, pulled on my rain jacket, then it stopped so I took it off, then it rained some more, put it on, stopped . . . Typical. Something about inclement weather makes me smile when I’m out working in it or working out. I like feeling tough, I guess.

So there was the weather, and I almost made myself crash when my rain jacket hooked onto my handlebars while I was putting it on with no hands on the bars, then I got lost when there was a detour on the route I had planned, my bike got filthy from the rain and muck, and I ripped my rain jacket. But none of it mattered. I kept shaking my head and cursing under my breath, but I was smiling the whole time. It was one of those things where shit happens and sometimes you just have to laugh. It helps that I was feeling good on the bike, even though I’m getting over a cold that knocked me out for a few days. The things that happened are all typical of being a cyclist, too. It reminded me of plenty of other times getting lost by myself or with a riding partner, and strange weather always gets you at some time. There’s no use getting mad or feeling sorry for yourself. Instead, it becomes fun. I’ve always had that mentality and it served me well in the Army because I didn’t whine and complain when the going got tough, I just kept going.

I got home after my ride and I probably had a big shit-eating grin on my face when I told my roommate about it and how much fun it was, regardless of all the “setbacks” and that’s when I found out my jacket had ripped, but I just said, “Oh, well,” and kept telling my story. Maybe sometimes it’s better to keep the good vibrations to yourself. He interrupted me and said, “Stop! Can you hear yourself right now?” I kind of knew what he was saying, but I made him spell it out. He said something to the effect that my perspective was positive and that I wasn’t letting any of the stuff that had happened get to me, and that usually my perspective wasn’t so positive and I was a bit more pessimistic. Or something like that . . . Geez. I appreciate the thought, but don’t interrupt a guy when he’s feeling good to grab the Good and point at it, saying, “Look! Look! You normally suck, but this is Good!”

So he interrupted my flow, how I was feeling good, but I blew it off and kept on feeling it. I also thought that he didn’t really know me that well. Those “setbacks” are exactly the kind of thing that make me smile and shrug, and that combined with feeling good on the bike and enjoying riding again were responsible for the good feeling. He also doesn’t realize that deep down I am a happy person. I slip into melancholy and depression quite easily, especially for the last, I don’t know, at least five years of my life, probably more. But things are changing and I’m recognizing some of the old feelings again. It’s really good. I talked about it with my mom and she agreed, too. I’m a happy, joyful person. I love to be in the moment, to make people laugh, to make myself laugh with silly things. There has just been a lot of funkiness in my life lately, but I’m movin’ on and it feels good.